I wish I had a dollar for every word or phrase I repeat, usually in quick succession, in a desperate attempt to get through the tiny ears that sit on the sides of the amazingly thick little skull of my 3 year old daughter. I'd be so stinkin' rich!
I have actually self-diagnosed myself with Maternal Tourettes Syndrome. No, I don't believe that is an actual medical diagnosis, but it should be. I have found that it is common amoungst mothers of small children and that this condition is often exacerbated by having a puppy.
Symptoms include: repeating words or phrases such as, but not limited to: Stop it, don't touch that, get out of there, pick that up, put that down, come back, and go sit down. You may also experience a dry, scratchy throat similar to what you might expect from attending a totally awesome concert or a day of scary theme park rides, where lots of yelling is required. Extreme exhaustion and depression may occur from the feeling that nobody listens when you talk or yell, as the case may be. Mothers with severe MTS may present with a flat affect, fixed stare, glassy-looking eyes, and difficult arousal from this state.
The best treatment for this disorder is consuming a small to moderate amount of alcohol. Studies have shown that it slows the cognitive processes and the repeating episodes decrease in frequency and duration. Other successful treatments include: sending the child or children to grandma's for a sleep over, purchase a new kid's movie and hope that it is a hit, or send the little monsters with daddy. (Note: be prepared to be informed by spouse that your child or children DO NOT LISTEN, as if you don't somehow already know that, DUH, how do you think I developed MTS?)
I love my daughter, but somedays, ok, most days, I want to just throw something at her at say, "seriously, why don't you listen??" I look back at my former self and compare that to my current self and am amazed at how crazy I have become. And in the words of my mother, "It's not fun being crazy," Oh how right she was! :)
I do sympathize with your plight. Good news...the symptoms of the disease do lessen with the age of the child. Although, there is NO CURE. Sadly... MTS does return to its full blown stage, should you curse YOUR child with the, "I hope YOU have a child just like YOU!" statement. WARNING TO ALL GRAND PARENTS...Do not do this! It will only backfire. Trust me...I KNOW!
ReplyDelete