Only Hope Is Stronger Than Fear

 There is so much fear mongering going on in our world right now.

Fear: Being afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

Hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen, a feeling of trust.

"Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear."

For me, my hope is contained within my all of my horses.

And I have a lot of horses....

My hopes are high and my fears are low.

Be sure you have something that gives you so much hope, that fear is strong armed out.

Wash Your Hands and Say Your Prayers!

I've decided that horse people, specifically Barrel Racers, are not afraid of this virus. Honestly, it's probably the least risky thing we have to deal with.

We swing a leg over  horses that have been sitting too long, full up on fresh green grass, alfalfa,  and grain with every vitamin, mineral, and magic we can sprinkle in, and don't think twice about it. Hell, we probably even acknowledge how stupid of an idea it is. But we do it anyways. If that's not riskier to your life than a virus, I don't know what is!

We casually get into a confined box on wheels with a claustrophobic by nature, flight animal. Hell, we will put 5 more in with them. We go barreling down the highway at 70mph in a one ton truck, drinking coffee, eating on the fly, singing at the top of our lungs, making videos about 'barrel racer' life, and driving through the night to get to a race or rodeo. If that's not more risky to your life than a virus, I don't know what is.

We have cleaned out stalls/horse trailers, brushed off our muddy, poop covered horses, cleaned their feet, thrown hay, and then eaten food ourselves without little more than rinsing our hands in the horse's water bucket and wiping them off on our jeans... if that's not just as risky as a virus, I don't know what is.

If you've ever travelled with rodeo cowboys, hung out in a rodeo beer garden, used a porta-potty at a rodeo, you have already been exposed to far worse things that are riskier to your life than this virus.

Running a barrel horse full tilt on rodeo ground. On wet rodeo ground. On wet rodeo ground in an arena with a slight slope. Virus, danger, what??

It seems to me, as a general rule, most horse people believe in a higher power. After all, some of the stuff we survive can really only be explained by having been clearly saved by something bigger than we are. Some might call it luck. But the people who live this way, know you just can't be lucky that much. We live our daily lives taking so much risk, and we don't even realize it until hundreds of thousands of people freak out about something small. It's actually a big thing, but we don't seem to see it that way.

We live lives of high risk and know, something will kill us. We have actually been in some near death situations and made it through. That's why I think our faith is a little stronger than most. We already live with unpredictability and risk. We are comfortable with it. We respect it. We accept it. We happily coexist with it. Party on Wayne! Party on Garth!

It's just another one of those great life lessons we learn from horses. Here's something that can kill you. It has a mind of it's own. You can make suggestions but if a 1200lb animal decides to disagree, you will not win. They can be unpredictable and react dangerously. You do your best to reduce the risks but ultimately you learn to live with them and enjoy your life and horses around them.

It is not so different with viruses. They can kill you, they have a mind of their own (not really but kinda) you can try protect yourself but if it wants to attack you and has an opportunity, it will. They are unpredictable and dangerous. You can do you best to reduce the risks but ultimately you have to learn to live with them and enjoy your life around them.

 A final thought that seems like the best saying for our current situation... wash your hands and say your prayers, because Jesus and germs are everywhere! Stay as safe as you see fit but live your lives! Party on, friends, party on!

I hate cleaning! I just want to ride!

I hate cleaning. I mean, I like things orderly, in fact, I need them that way to stay sane. But I hate spending my much needed, much anticipated days off, cleaning. Cleaning up other people's messes. I hate it! I just want to ride my horses!

I hate empty promises of getting help to clean up. I hate someone helping to clean and doing a half-assed job. I hate when I get help and it's doing something that is completely useless to the overall cleanliness of the house. I hate to sound ungrateful for the help but I've had this place clean, you know what that looks like, let's shoot for that! Not, "hey this drawer is messy, I'll clean that and spend all day doing it"! Ahhhhh!!! Just go, I'll effing do it myself!

I can't stand clutter. I can't stand messes. But honestly as much of a clean freak as I come off as, I'm really not that bad. I'm not OCD but I do like organization and a basic clean appearance. I also like things to smell good. Is that so much to ask?

And another thing I hate, while I'm on a roll: people using my things. I'm not a complete monster. I'll share. But when someone borrows my shit without asking, loses or damages it, or doesn't return it to its place of origin, I effing lose it. I become the biggest, most selfish brat on the planet. Don't touch my shit. Don't borrow my shit. Don't even look at my shit or I will effing cut you!

Whew, that actually feels better! 😁 I think I'd better go ride now!

Shit Salad

I came home today with every intention to ride. The weather wasn't too miserable, I had enough daylight, and enough time before I had to pick Laramie up from volleyball practice, it was going to work. But lately, every time I try make plans, they turn to crap. When life hands you potatoes, you make potato salad, right? Well, life handed me a pile of shit, what am I supposed to make out of that?? Uhhh, shit salad?? 😂 I'm being dramatic, it's not that bad... but it's not that ideal, so shit salad it is!

So, there I am driving on my road home, doing a visual count of the horses in each pasture as a go by. As I approach what we call the Sorrel Pen, I notice only sorrels in this pasture. And as appropriate as that might sound, it's missing a bay broodmare. She's kind of the odd man out anyways (obviously, she's not sorrel) but I figure she's just behind the shed out of sight. I make a mental note to check for her when I ride by. I do notice the other 3 staring at something towards my grandma's house, but at this moment, I think nothing of it.

That is, until about 3 seconds later I catch out of the corner of my eye, the missing bay broodmare. Just chilling in my grandma's yard, crunching on grass. What. In. The. Hell. How is she out? I figure it's one of two ways, either she went through the fence or over it. Considering the 3 sorrels are still very much in, I entertain the latter. I was really hoping she sprouted wings and Pegasus-ed her way over and didn't manage to hurt herself. But no such luck.

She ended up cutting her back leg  superficially. My back leg injury assessment skills are pretty much on point these days as are my wrapping and doctoring techniques, so do I freak out? No, I do not! This? This is nothing.. Ha! Look at me go! I'm not even worried, all those injuries from last year made me tough, or stupid or so crazy I don't know the difference!!🤪 Whatever it is, I got this.

After I caught her up, I put on my detective hat to figure out where and how this whole fiasco took place. It isn't long before I can see what likely happened. And as it turned out, neither 2 of my initial theories were correct. Instead, it was option 3... under the fence. Running like idiots, she slipped on the snow and mud, sliding into the fence. Now, this is where the magic happens. It is a 5 strand, smooth wire fence. From the best I can figure, when she slipped and fell, she stuck her head and three of her legs between strands 4 and 5. Her other leg went under the 5th. When she popped up on the other side, the leg under the bottom wire was sliced on her way up.

This is not a small mare. She is a pretty good sized gal. How she managed this, is beyond me. The top 3 wires were still 100% tight. The bottom two were stretched but not broken. The 4th strand had popped the staple holding it to the post but the rest were still intact. I don't know how horses can get themselves into these situations. You'd think 1000lb animals on toothpick legs would be a little more interested in self preservation, but they're not.

After I got her all wrapped up, I tried to turn her back out with the friends she so desperately wanted to get back to, only to find those 3 buttholes were plotting to kill her. They immediately start chasing her, running full speed, ears pinned. I'm yelling at them, curse words flying, trying to not get smoked by one as they race by me after her. I'm able to get to her, catch her back up and get back to the gate, even with them circling us like bunch vegetarian sharks.

I decide she will spend the night in the barn, with a companion pony instead. As soon as I get her out of there, those 3 jerks stand at the gate like a little sorrel gang, acting like I was the crazy one. Almost saying, 'C'mon, we were just playing with her, we weren't gonna hurt her......again'. She was upset I took her out and pulled on me the whole way to the barn, wanting to go back. She's only spent the last 3 months with them, not sure why they hate her now, but they do. It's because she's not sorrel, isn't it?? Assholes.

I tucked her into the barn with Rhubarb and they seem to get along just fine. I love having ponies around for this reason. Horses are herd animals, they usually don't like being alone. But sometimes their herd is a bunch of sorrel jerks and they literally will chase you out of their group. So, you get moved to the barn for battered mares and given a companion pony.

2020 wasn't supposed to start like this. This crap was a 2019 thing. But honestly, I'm just glad it wasnt worse when it damn sure probably should have been. I'm also grateful for an injury that I could take care of with my eyes closed. And that! THAT my friends, is how you make shit salad! 💩 🥗 😂

Reys The Roof

With the Columbia River Circuit Finals having just come to a close, I thought it'd be appropriate to share this post from November 2014. Breakaway roping has exploded onto the prorodeo scene. I was actually the 1st Columbia River Circuit Champion! But before you get kind of impressed, know I was more lucky than anything.  It's stil kinda cool though...

As it turns out, I ended up winning the Columbia River Circuit in the Breakaway. I will be the first to say, there wasn't much blood, sweat, and tears put into winning this buckle.

 I hadn't roped in over a year, practiced once (complaining most of the time), and literally almost drew out before I got there. I won the first round of a two round roping, of the only roping held this year.

 However, this buckle is kind of special to me. I won it by roping in a 2.8 off of my husband's steer tripping/heel horse named Reys The Roof... othewise known as Roofie, who we lost this fall. I had planned on riding him next year at these events, if they held them. I was going to get a little more serious about my roping and felt Roofie could take me there. But somethings just aren't meant to be....

 I will enjoy this beautiful buckle and always remember the little bay horse that helped me win it. :)

I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in.

When I was a kid, things were simple. My parents supplied me with horses and opportunities. We didn't have a lot of money or expensive high, powered horses, but I did well with what I had. It made it easy to go out and focus on winning because I didn't have a single worry. Not about money, not about a job or kids, not even about horses or hay. Just riding and working on my skills. It was not difficult to think that this is always how things would go. That success would always be obtained so effortlessly. We may not have thought at the time that it was without effort, but we all usually find out those were the easiest times in our lives. Winning was easy because it's the only thing we had to focus on.

It's just kind of classic young person thinking. We've all done it, we eventually all see it in the young people we know when we finally become adults. We see their complete lack of awareness of all the effort put into their success from someone else behind the scenes. All they  see is how well THEY are doing and how much work THEY'VE done. They pay no mind to those, as Judy Myllymaki would call them, "gardeners". Those support people who want to see you do well and help you in anyway they can, so you can be the beautiful, successful,"rose".

We need these people and we need these times in our lives. It gives us confidence and some assurance that we can do something successfully. However, the irony in life is that it takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate the silence, and absence to value presence.

As I became a young adult and my parents stepped back as I took over the care of myself and my horses, the realization of how much they did, became painfully clear. I loved my independence but the struggle became real. Paying rent, buying vehicles, paying for things like oil changes and tires! My little paycheck and tips from my job didn't go very far. Now, paying for entry fees, fuel, hay, and food all weighed on my mind when deciding to enter up at a rodeo. All of a sudden, "needing" to win became a thing . And when you let those thoughts creep into your mind, your competitive confidence takes a hit. It's all fun and games until you bounce a check by unsuccessfully gambling on yourself and your horses.

Once I finished nursing school, I felt like I could start kind of going again. I had stepped away from rodeos and gotten more interested in 4D barrel racing. I had a gray mare named Dreamy. She was the first horse I had bought entirely with my own money. She was two, green broke and I brought her along pretty much all by myself. When I started going, things were going well. She was easy and enjoyed running barrels. We went and we went pretty often, making about 30 runs together our first competitive year. In the next few years that followed, I added a couple more horses to the mix and I went to barrel races as often as I could, which turned out to be quite a bit. And my horses came along pretty well and quickly. I thought this is how it would always go.

Then the grown up thing happens... you start to want more. A place of your own with a barn, a second truck, a bigger trailer, better bred prospects, the list goes on. At that point in my life, I couldn't afford those things but I did barrel race a lot. I decided to take a higher paying job to try to set myself up a little better to obtain those things that would surely advance me toward my barrel racing goals. It required quite a bit of time away from my horses, but heck I could probably do that for a year, right?

I had sold Dreamy and a year later, sold her younger sister Grace. I came off of a very successful 2015, when I started my new job. I went to working a lot! More than I ever had in my life. The money was awesome, I paid things off left and right. We decided in 2016 we were going to build our house. But things did not work out like we'd hoped. Several things fell through. It was disappointing to say the least.

After changing lenders and builders we were late into 2016. I was still working a pile, my horses were all young, so I didnt go to many races, not that it mattered because I wasn't getting much of anything rode at all. I tried to compete at some bigger events on a friend's horse but our year had not gone as well as it had in 2015. My competitive mental state was crap, and I struggled to remain confident. By fall, I was calling 2016 a bust. '17 would be better. It had to be! It was going to be.

But it wasn't. At least not exactly. I ended up working more than I had the year before, which I said wasn't going to happen. We did get our house and barn built, which was awesome. It really was the highlight. My young horse at the time was Boldly. He got hauled a little, it went ok, but I just wasn't getting time to ride. And it showed. By fall, I took on more at work. I pushed myself to my breaking point. I was angry, sad, exhausted, and it wasn't a pretty sight for those close to me.

I got sick right around the Pendleton Round Up time. Usually my favorite place and time of year, I was dreading it. I worked every day leading up to it. I took Monday slack, off of work to make a run. It wasn't our best run but it was good enough to make it back to the short round. I worked everyday up to the day of the finals and even until noon that day. I felt like hell. I was exhausted from being up since 2am, working 8 hours and I couldn't breath because of my cold. We made a decent run, good enough for an average check and a slightly better end to 2017. '18 will be better, it's got to be!

Living in our dream home with our horses in our back yard really was nice. However, the work didn't stop there. Building pens and shelters and making our barn rideable became the next costly obstacle. Sometimes you get so focused on something you fail to look at the needs beyond it and the time and money it's going to require. Sure, things were better but the work wasn't done.

2018 turned out to be another year of working. While I did get to go a little bit more with my horses, it wasnt much. It was seriously pissing me off that I couldn't get to any races, that I couldn't ride everyday, that I was falling behind on the progress with my prospects. The madder I got, the more work was dumped in my lap, and the more time for doing what I wanted to do, was taken from me. I had a lot of anxiety and anger in my soul.

By 2019, I was finding a better work/life balance. I still worked a lot though I had scaled back a bit. Rode when I could and tried to make the time on my young horses really count. I figured out a way to get a second truck and a bigger trailer so I could get more horses hauled when I was able to go. I really wanted to go more but if I wasnt working, I was short on money. Yes, all of those things you want do come at a price. Another irony is that you need them to go but you have to work more to pay for it, and they you don't have the time or money to get there. Sigh! It's never ending cycle.

When 2020 rolled around, I found myself in a much different mindset. I like to think of it as "I'm not giving up, I just giving in". I have fought for the last 4 years to try to get back to doing what I'd always done before. And it made me so angry when I couldn't. Everything upset me. Work, the weather, family get togethers, Laramie's school commitments and the horse's reckless disregard of life and limb. Anything that kept me from doing what I wanted to do, just made me mad and anxious.

It's taken me that long to realize everything that's happened has been a test and a way to break my 'I'm in control' mindset. Now, I've always been a firm believer in the Everything Happens For Reason and the Gods Timing, principles. But the tough part about that is you don't get to see the reasons until much later. I can see now how I have and will continue to benefit from the trials of the last 4 years. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. We want more, we want to progress and we don't mind challenges, just as long as those challenges aren't too hard. But it's overcoming those difficult obstacles where growth is made, by conquering something you didn't think you could. They are very rewarding but they are not much fun.

So, I'm not giving up, I'm still working, still trying to improve and trying to keep my mindset positive. It's a power struggle, the battle between my own expectations and God's timing. But I am giving in, accepting that I won't win that battle no matter what and how much I try. I'm learning to take things as they come and deal with them as best I can knowing it will be only a bad season, not a bad life.

As 2020 begins I look forward and hope for a year that is better than the last several. But even if it's the same or worse, I'm really working (and it's damn sure work)on having a better attitude about it and not letting what I can't control, upset me so much. It won't change anything and it'll only make a bad situation worse. So, don't give up, just give in to your path and your purpose and faithfully follow the signs that only you can see. The destination will be worth it.

Cheers to the New Year!

It's a new year! I love new years! It's when December is finally over, my least favorite month. It's when I start getting back after it, after giving my horses some time off from competing, riding, and really, all manner of work. They rest, they eat, they get bored. So when I start riding again, we all get excited!

Winter, for me, is a time of recovery and preparation. Winters here on the prairie will make you slow down whether you want to or not. I've always seen this season as a forced break I didn't want. But as I've gotten older and I'd like to say wiser, I've come to look forward and appreciate these cold, snowy months. It's a good mental and physical break for everyone.

Depending on the association you're a member of or the age of horse you are riding, your "2020 season" could have begun in the fall or winter of 2019. For me, my new season almost always begins after January 1st. This is why I look forward to it so much! My horses are all a year older, my older horses are starting out more seasoned, my younger horses are ready to start hauling, and I'm refreshed and ready for the challenges and excitement of the new year.

While I do not believe in, nor do I ever make New Years resolutions, I do look ahead in my calendar and set some goals. This year is different. I know I have another year of work and working ahead of me. I know there won't be a calandar full of big races planned. And for the first time, I'm really ok with that.

My most seasoned horse is Boldly. I've turned him over to Laramie for her main pole and barrel horse. She will be making most of his runs this year. Laynee is my next most seasoned horse. I still have quite a bit of finishing work with her, but plan to have Laramie ride her some too. I'll make most of her competitive runs but will have Laramie working with her behind the scenes.

This year my first group of babies we raised, will be 4 years old. My plan is lots of riding, hauling, and patterning of these 3. This is where my work will be focused. I'd like to have at least one ready for spring futurities but it will all be played by ear. We might be there, we might not, but that's why it's fun. This is not a career for me, it's a hobby. I'd like to run them, but if they aren't ready, that's ok too.

As mentioned above, horses are my hobby, my career is actually in nursing. And this will be, yet again, another working year. Lots of changes at my job may require me to work quite a bit more. I've worked on trying to get a good work/life balance. And it almost seems that the busier I am at work, the more I seem to get done at home. If I plan on making a few futurities in 2021, I'll need some extra entry and travel money so, I guess it's not all bad. It's an added obstacle and I love a good challenge.

Gabe and I are also looking in to getting a set up here at our house to be able to start training our horses on breakawaying cattle. Not only is it to help Laramie learn and improve her roping, it will be part of the training process with all of our horses. I actually very much enjoy breakaway roping, and wasn't terrible at it back in the day. It just hasn't been in my heart for the last several years. But having a set up at home might just be what I need to get fired up about it. Plus, I do think it's very important for all of my barrel horses to be roped of off.

So while I don't have any big exciting plans for 2020, I do look forward putting in the work needed for a more exciting 2021 and beyond. After all, it is about the journey not the destination. Cheers to the new year 🥂 and all that it will bring!

We All Need a Little Help... Or a Lot!

Originally posted on Facebook  1/1/17


As many probably know, for me 2016 was a working year. I've complained about it a lot, to pretty much anyone who would listen. I've worked more hours in a year than I ever have previously. It's probably the amount that regular people work, but I'm a cowgirl, I only try to work enough to support my habit. And my habit is horses and horse related activities. In fact, my habit is up to 15 + 2 ponies (and I don't count ponies as horses, because.... they're ponies) And when a person who has a 15 and counting habit, decides to have a "working year" that person needs to have help. Like the physical kind, not the mental kind! (There's nothing wrong with me!!) 🤣Though, I'm sure that's what most of you were thinking!

 I get quite a bit of help from my mom, who has recently gone under the knife, so she isn't much physical help at the moment. The other person who keeps my life together is my husband, Gabe. If you look closely, you will see him in the background of this picture breaking ice, while I pet, kiss, and take pictures of my horses. He has fed every day, hauled hay, broke ice, plowed snow, and otherwise done all of the work to make sure all our horses and ponies are taken care of while I spend excessive amounts of time at work.

I am so thankful I took my mom's advice.... Marry a cowboy! Marry someone who does what you do and it will be one less thing you argue about. Don't get me wrong, we've had disagreements over horses and the amount I like to keep on hand. But I do have a plan for them, and Gabe is super supportive of my goals. He'd have to be.... who lets their wife keep 15 horses and 2 ponies around that he has to feed??? That's crazy! Like, the kind of crazy that needs help.... you know, the mental kind!! 😂 (There might be something wrong with him.) But he is my kind of crazy, and I love that! I love him too! 😙