Embarrassment Is The Cost Of Entry

 Embarrassment. If you are afraid of it, you might want to get out of horses right now!

Horses will embarrass you. And their timing for doing so, is impeccable.  It's usually in front of a large crowd,  that person you bragged to about how well your horse was doing, when there's a big payout on the line, in front of a notable trainer... you name an important time and they will pull out something they've never done before. It's embarassing!🤦‍♀️

But I'm going to let you in on a secret. Put on your muck boots, this is about to get deep! You cannot, I repeat, cannot, be embarrassed if you don't want to be. The power of being embarrassed lies within you. Deep, right??  And I'm going to let you in on another secret. Nobody cares! I'm serious, they really don't! I'd say 90% of the time, we create thoughts for other people in our own heads. What must they think??? Oh my gosh, they probably think.....blah blah blah.  When you really get into the psychology of it, how important do we really think we are? So important that we believe people we barely know, if we know at all, have an opinion about us, our horses, or our run? Kind of arrogant, don't you think? If this is you, refer back up to the first paragraph to see how that one turns out.

Here's the thing. You may have heard it said, "Opinions are like buttholes, everyone's got one" and that is 100% true. It is human nature to have an opinion. Whether you are doing things right, wrong, winning or losing, everyone is going to have an opinion about it. And depending on how much they like you, these judgements will vary wildly. So what can you do?? The answer is this.... nothing. You do you. You keep trying to be better than you were yesterday... for you!

And let's address those people who aren't friends or maybe were friends but aren't anymore. The one's who loooove to see you deal with misfortunes, who enjoy it way too much when your horse does something cringeworthy, the people who can't wait to tell everyone else and make fun of you. That really says more about who they are than who you are. The less reaction you have, the less power they have over you. This is really the hardest part to mentally overcome. But I promise, if you stay so focused on you, you can't be affected. And that makes the toughest competitors.  You just might one day thank those bitches for forcing you to become better than them! "Hey, Thanks Bitches! Bye, now!"🙋🏼‍♀️

A few thoughts to leave with you to ruminate on...
1. What other people think of you is none of you business. - It truly isn't.  Not much you can do about it other than be you and they will like you or they won't. It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you aren't.

2. Your opinion of yourself is the key to happiness. -Give it to someone else and misery will follow you everywhere.

3. You would worry less about what other people think of you, if you realized how seldom they do.- Most people are so wrapped up in what they look like, what their horses are doing, what other people think of them, that they don't even notice what's going on with you.

4. If you own horses, you better practice humility and get comfortable with it.- It's a place you will be sent often especially if you start forgetting the horse makes the rider, not the other way around.

5. Know that you aren't special, everyone has something embarrassing happen to them courtesy of their equine partner. -Laugh a little but not too much, it might be you next! Be empathetic to those it happens to because if you haven't been there, you will be at some point.

6. If you aren't ready to be talked about, good or bad, you aren't ready for success. - They are going to talk no matter what you do. Pick a handful of people who's opinions truly matter to you. Ones who are there to help you grow and improve. Ask for their thoughts but don't be afraid to disagree with them either. At the end of the day, you know what's right for you and your horse.

And last but not least..
7. Be selfish. Be so focused on you and your horses you can't hear the unwanted opinions of people who don't matter to you. You don't have to be rude, though many will perceive it that way, but you do need to have very tight, strong boundaries. If people find that rude, well then, maybe they should not have said anything in the first place. That's on them.

Moral of the story: Embarrassment is inevitable.  Everyone will have an opinion. It's up to you how you react, how quick you let it go, and how fast you move on and recover. Stay focused on you, be happy with your accomplishments big and small and you will win everytime! 

And remember: Embarrassment is the cost of entry,  if you aren't willing to look like a foolish beginner, you'll never become a graceful master.✌

Trying to get Swiggy stopped after he ducked in front of the second barrel and ran off in Pendleton.

Mazie doing a little buck leaving the 3rd barrel, putting several inches of air under my butt.

This Is A Test...

 This is a test. This is only a test..... to evaulate how much effort you are willing put out to do what you claim you love to do. 

My morning started off really well. I slept well, didn't have to get up very early, started my day with a good breakfast. It was looking promising. I got myself ready for the race, put dinner in the crockpot, did a load of laundry and dishes, and put together all my horse's evening grain for quick and easy distribution. I knew today was going to be long so I was setting myself for success, go me!  I feel so on top on things, let's go barrel racing!

I walk out the door and that's when things start going downhill. First, I hear cows mooing. That's not really a big deal. Except that I cannot see them. They have once again, crashed a panel and gotten themselves locked in the old barn. There is no food in there, no grain, no treats and it leaks like a sieve, so it's not a dry place to hang out. Damn cows! I make a mental note to get them out before I leave. I catch all of my 5 year olds with no problems.  But Laynee decides, Not Today Satan! Running, kicking, not gonna be caught! I abandon trying to catch her pretty quickly. I've got other matters to tend to.

I get all the 5 year olds blanketed and ready to load. I decide to release dumb and dumber from the barn and jury rig the panel as a quick solution to the immediate problem. I put some treats in my pocket and Laynee is caught with no issue. OK, back on track.

I load all 4 horses, call for Lucy (the stow away cat), because I saw her milling around my trailer. She comes out of the barn. Crap! Now she's headed for my truck. A quick trip into the house to get some cat food, and back out to the barn. Perfect, cat's accounted for. Into the truck I hop. Just at the precise time I'd planned to leave. Turn the key.... click, click, nothing. Mother Father!!!!

Last month this same thing happened. Yesterday, I decided to fire it up and make sure we were good to go for today. Started right up, no problem. I should also mention, all my help is out of town for the weekend, so I'm on my own. I call Gabe who talks me through properly jumping my truck. Call me spoiled, call me lucky... whatever, I've just never had to do it alone. I closely follow instructions and it works! TaDa! Now I'm good!

I get my phone plugged in, music set up, drinks secure. Look down to see my truck saying, "6 miles to E". Are. You. Kidding. Me??? I call Gabe. I think more for someone to hear my exasperation,  because he can literally do nothing but say, "that sucks, sorry." And he is not wrong. It does suck.

After sitting for a few minutes, both my truck and myself thinking about it, my truck decides,  you know what? I think I can make it 55miles to E. 😁 Great! That's good enough for me! As I leave the driveway, actually, it can make it 106miles to E. Even better white truck but I only need about 20.  Let's go!

I arrive to the round up grounds and it is raining. A miserable drizzle. I pay my fees and really start regretting bringing so many horses. And to think, I almost brought 2 more. Man, I'm clearly a bit of an optimist! I'm glad I didn't.

I clean off my mud encrusted caballos, which is super fun when you are soaking wet. All the hair and dirt transfers from the horses to my coat and face. I bet that's cute! Thank God I'm already married 🤣 I'd never find a husband looking like horsey hobo.

The weather turns off and the sun kind of comes out. This day doesn't suck after all.  My mare, Laynee, made nice runs in both the barrels and poles, placing in the 1D in both. I only rode Justin and Prim and entered them in the futurity time onlys which I was thankful for friends videoing and holding my other horse. Both horses made good runs and progress was made! Wahoo! As for Mazie, I didn't even try to ride her. Just a trip to town to stand and be tied but that's still important in and of itself. Maybe next time for her.

Overall, it ended up being a fine ass day! Moral of the story is, sometimes you are tested to see how serious you are about something. I'd be lying if I didnt say when my truck didn't start, that I didn't think about staying home. When it said it was out of diesel, to unload and put them away. When it was raining, to only ride my open horse and forget about my colts.  It's not easy but nothing that is worth it, ever is. Keep on keeping on.  The only way forward is through!

They Are Only Babies

My husband is always telling me... "If you're going to be in the horse business...."  To which I always reply, "I'm not in the horse business, I'm in the horse hobby." It has never been my aspiration to make a living off my horses. Do I wish they would contribute a little more than they do? Of course! No one has volunteered yet so I'll keep waiting. Maybe one day...🤞

I like to raise my own. Mostly because it allows me to know them and them to know me. I can give you details about every horse on this place, along with histories of their mothers and siblings. I learn all of their quirks and how to approach each one in a way they understand. It takes time and a genuine interest. Horses know what you know and they know what you don't know and they can and will use it against you. So you better spend the time to learn exactly what you're dealing with.

This year, my 1st group of babies are 5. I didn't get to haul or pattern them nearly as much as I would have liked.  At present, they still hollar to each other when one rides away from the trailer.  They paw in or at the trailer with a lack of patience or attention. They spook at sights and sounds they only get to see in town. All of which are amplified with being fresh and full of grain and silliness. And this is annoying. Very annoying. But you know what? They are just babies.

Thankfully, they have improved even with the limited hauling they've gotten. They all load and unload with ease. Which, is not how we started out. I actually dreaded taking them places because of the loading and unloading issues I might have or the fits thrown at or in the trailer while I wasn't present.  But I made myself do it. I forced myself to take them along as frustrated and anxious as it made me. Thankfully, nobody died and they all eventually worked through it, finding I always tried to make their experience consistent, predictable, and enjoyable.

My husband says I spoil them because I always have hay for them, in the trailer or at the trailer. He thinks that what I do doesn't make them learn to load or stand tied without a hay bag in front of them. But I disagree.  They are just babies.  They are learning. They are flight animals, herd animals, and everything we ask them to do is completely unnatural to them. I try to give them comfort in a way they understand to show them that what I'm asking them to do will not hurt them.  Horses thrive on routine, repetition, and consistency.  It's the best way I've found to communicate with them and teach them to trust that I won't put them in a dangerous situation. You have to be the boss but you don't have to be a dictator. You want respect, but you must earn it, not demand it.

Just think of a time you were scared. You had to do something alone, or with people you didn't know. You didn't know what to expect or what would be expected of you and how nervous it made you. Now, imagine the person in charge is yelling at you in a language you don't speak, being physically rough with you, and taking you to places you are unfamiliar with. You don't know how long you'll be there, or when you will eat or drink next.  Personally, that thought gives me serious anxiety and I'm the one with the big, rational brain.

They need to learn to travel alone as well as, together with their buddies. They need to learn that while we ride away and leave the others, we will return. Same for the ones at the trailer. It's a process. It's by no means easy, but it is necessary and takes a lot of time and repetition. And yes, it's very annoying and stressful.

But, I will continue going to town with my young ones. Hollaring, pawing, spooking.... because how else will they learn? It takes a lot of patience, of which is something I'm still personally working on, a deaf ear, and some motivation to do things that drive you nuts because it's all part of the process. After all, they are only babies.

You Aren't Getting Out Alive!

 I haven't really written much this past year. I haven't really felt inspired to. Nothing has really touch my soul enough to express it into words. With all that's going on, the only words that do come to my mind are ones I actually wrote 5 years ago. They are still as relevant now as they were then. 

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Soapbox rant ahead! Life is a risk, nobody is getting out alive! You can't live your life around the 'what-if's' or the freak accidents. They are going to happen whether you try to avoid them or not. If it isn't one you planned for, it will be another you never saw coming.  

We now live in a society that fears death greatly.  So much so, that people live their whole lives trying to avoid it in every single way possible ( honestly believing they can).  Instead of enjoying all life has to offer, they stay within the boundries of safety defined by all those who died before them and those taking measures to never let it happen again. 

I am by no means against safety or trying to not to die. I'm simply saying to enjoy life to it's fullest, there is some risk involved. Some people drive fast,  some people skydive, some people ride horses. You choose the risks your are comfortable or maybe a little uncomfortable taking, to enjoy your time on Earth.

Everybody wants to sit back judge the risks you take in your life to, not only justify that their safe lives are worth living, but that they are somehow better than yours because of it.

 I'm a believer in, when it is your time, it's your time and there's no stopping it. I am going to continue loving and taking care my family, friends, and horses, and enjoy every minute we have together. I will not dwell on all the things that could happen, they are out of my control anyways. I'll do what I feel is right for me and suggest you do the same. Let's leave the judging to Jesus and continue being friends despite the differences in our risk taking.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the cartoon movie, The Croods, "That's not living, it's just, not dying." Be sure you are really living and not just, not dying! 😁

Only Hope Is Stronger Than Fear

 There is so much fear mongering going on in our world right now.

Fear: Being afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

Hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen, a feeling of trust.

"Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear."

For me, my hope is contained within my all of my horses.

And I have a lot of horses....

My hopes are high and my fears are low.

Be sure you have something that gives you so much hope, that fear is strong armed out.

Wash Your Hands and Say Your Prayers!

I've decided that horse people, specifically Barrel Racers, are not afraid of this virus. Honestly, it's probably the least risky thing we have to deal with.

We swing a leg over  horses that have been sitting too long, full up on fresh green grass, alfalfa,  and grain with every vitamin, mineral, and magic we can sprinkle in, and don't think twice about it. Hell, we probably even acknowledge how stupid of an idea it is. But we do it anyways. If that's not riskier to your life than a virus, I don't know what is!

We casually get into a confined box on wheels with a claustrophobic by nature, flight animal. Hell, we will put 5 more in with them. We go barreling down the highway at 70mph in a one ton truck, drinking coffee, eating on the fly, singing at the top of our lungs, making videos about 'barrel racer' life, and driving through the night to get to a race or rodeo. If that's not more risky to your life than a virus, I don't know what is.

We have cleaned out stalls/horse trailers, brushed off our muddy, poop covered horses, cleaned their feet, thrown hay, and then eaten food ourselves without little more than rinsing our hands in the horse's water bucket and wiping them off on our jeans... if that's not just as risky as a virus, I don't know what is.

If you've ever travelled with rodeo cowboys, hung out in a rodeo beer garden, used a porta-potty at a rodeo, you have already been exposed to far worse things that are riskier to your life than this virus.

Running a barrel horse full tilt on rodeo ground. On wet rodeo ground. On wet rodeo ground in an arena with a slight slope. Virus, danger, what??

It seems to me, as a general rule, most horse people believe in a higher power. After all, some of the stuff we survive can really only be explained by having been clearly saved by something bigger than we are. Some might call it luck. But the people who live this way, know you just can't be lucky that much. We live our daily lives taking so much risk, and we don't even realize it until hundreds of thousands of people freak out about something small. It's actually a big thing, but we don't seem to see it that way.

We live lives of high risk and know, something will kill us. We have actually been in some near death situations and made it through. That's why I think our faith is a little stronger than most. We already live with unpredictability and risk. We are comfortable with it. We respect it. We accept it. We happily coexist with it. Party on Wayne! Party on Garth!

It's just another one of those great life lessons we learn from horses. Here's something that can kill you. It has a mind of it's own. You can make suggestions but if a 1200lb animal decides to disagree, you will not win. They can be unpredictable and react dangerously. You do your best to reduce the risks but ultimately you learn to live with them and enjoy your life and horses around them.

It is not so different with viruses. They can kill you, they have a mind of their own (not really but kinda) you can try protect yourself but if it wants to attack you and has an opportunity, it will. They are unpredictable and dangerous. You can do you best to reduce the risks but ultimately you have to learn to live with them and enjoy your life around them.

 A final thought that seems like the best saying for our current situation... wash your hands and say your prayers, because Jesus and germs are everywhere! Stay as safe as you see fit but live your lives! Party on, friends, party on!

I hate cleaning! I just want to ride!

I hate cleaning. I mean, I like things orderly, in fact, I need them that way to stay sane. But I hate spending my much needed, much anticipated days off, cleaning. Cleaning up other people's messes. I hate it! I just want to ride my horses!

I hate empty promises of getting help to clean up. I hate someone helping to clean and doing a half-assed job. I hate when I get help and it's doing something that is completely useless to the overall cleanliness of the house. I hate to sound ungrateful for the help but I've had this place clean, you know what that looks like, let's shoot for that! Not, "hey this drawer is messy, I'll clean that and spend all day doing it"! Ahhhhh!!! Just go, I'll effing do it myself!

I can't stand clutter. I can't stand messes. But honestly as much of a clean freak as I come off as, I'm really not that bad. I'm not OCD but I do like organization and a basic clean appearance. I also like things to smell good. Is that so much to ask?

And another thing I hate, while I'm on a roll: people using my things. I'm not a complete monster. I'll share. But when someone borrows my shit without asking, loses or damages it, or doesn't return it to its place of origin, I effing lose it. I become the biggest, most selfish brat on the planet. Don't touch my shit. Don't borrow my shit. Don't even look at my shit or I will effing cut you!

Whew, that actually feels better! 😁 I think I'd better go ride now!